Through the Looking Glass

Have you ever felt like Alice, like you've fallen through the Looking Glass, and you're no longer in control of things anymore? I'm feeling like that right now. It's a good thing, but it's a little weird, like I'm being swept away by a current that I had not been aware of before stepping in.

Most of my friends know that I never finished college. My reasons for leaving school were valid, but it has still been one of my great regrets. OK, it's my ONLY great regret. So, while my friends were off getting their degrees, I was home making babies. And, much as I love them, babies make it real hard to get back into school.

But! Now my babies are growing up; my youngest is a teenager, and my oldest is nearly twenty. This is my opportunity. So, for the past year or so, I've been toying with the notion of going back to school. Weighing it. Pondering how to make it work.

Have I ever mentioned that, according to Meyers-Briggs, I'm an "intuitive" personality. Crudely put, that means my decision making progress tends to be, "make the decision immediately, figure out how to make it work afterwards." I'm not good at weighing and pondering. I'm better at "damn the torpedoes."

So, the other night, I finally damned the torpedoes. I decided that I was tired of weighing and pondering, and let's just make a decision. I'm going back to school, I'm going to get my BA, and if you don't like it, get out of my way.

I told this to my husband. His response: "OK." I told my mother. Her response was about the same. Ahhh, enthusiasm. I love having so many cheerleaders. My children, THEY think it's a great idea. I'm glad somebody does!

Oh, but making the decision and telling everybody was the easy bit. Now I gotta make it happen. I know what I want to major in: creative writing. I look around: the only school offering it is Morehead State University (my father's alma mater). They're only offering it as a minor, but, if I pick up professional writing (another minor) as well, that qualifies me for the baccalaureate degree.

OK, now's where we get into the Wonderland surrealism. I thought that this next bit was going to really be painful. It's been twenty two years since the last time I stepped foot in a college classroom. I'm going to have to retest, do the SAT's or something painful, I'm going to have to retake my freshman core classes, it's gonna be ugly. AND! Morehead U is halfway across the state, and I'm not really up for moving, OR for commuting.

So I start making calls this afternoon. And I couldn't be more wrong. I gotta fill out like half a ream of paperwork, granted. But ....

1) My 1984 ACT test scores will be accepted.
2) they can transfer all my old credits from 1984.
3) I qualify for about eight tons of financial aid
4) I qualify for all sorts of other things because I'm an old broad instead of a pimply kid
5) I can take at least the first two years of school without moving or commuting to the center of the state.
6) I might be able to do part of the last two years of school without moving or commuting to the center of the state.
7) I need to get on the paperwork this week, so I can qualify for a bit MORE financial aid.

Going back to school as a forty one year old is supposed to be harder than this, right?

Granted, it's not all sunshine and roses. I gotta spend most of this summer filling out various forms of paperwork. I also need to start putting together a rather daunting portfolio of writing samples (not my old short stories, either; essays, research papers, other collegiate sorts of things) to have ready for the beginning of school. I need to figure out how to tell my son that I'm going to be a freshman in college while he's a sophomore.

I also know it's going to be a lot of work once school starts. I've always been a very good student: my one great God-given talent is that I learn things very quickly and very thoroughly. But, for an old broad in my position, there's a lot more involved than simply doing the schoolwork. I'm about to start into a very daunting four-year juggling act with my life.

But I need to do this. I'm GOING to do this. Failure is not an option. I just have to put my Irish stubbornness to work, and DO IT.